Breathe

My parent’s were here this past weekend. They stayed with us for 72 hours.

Maybe the problem is me and Matt.

We get so used to doing things our own way. We get so used to the freedom one gets from living 700 miles away from family. We get so used to be able to breathe, and while I love my parents, when they come it feels like I can’t breathe.

There is never a break when they stay at our house.

There is never a plan, unless we create it. If you give them options, they say ‘Oh, I don’t know / I don’t care, you choose.’

The problem with that is WE live here. IF we wanted to do these things we do them without the ordeal. Then everyday mundane things that I need to / want to / would be doing if they weren’t here also become an ordeal.

I start to get snippy. I start to shut down.

My mom, on her own, I can handle. I can go about my daily activities, with her in tow, much more easily.

My dad on the other hand, is a challenge.

We like to think of my dad as a cat. You know, the whole 9 lives thing. He has been given more chances at life that most people could ever dream of.

My dad is a Type 1 diabetic also. I will cut him some slack under the notion that he was 6 years old when diagnosed – 1957 – and the technology looks like something the Flintstones would have used compared to today. To add to it, from the stories I’ve heard (second hand), he and his condition, with blamed for a lot of what was wrong in his mother’s life.

I get that things were hard. I get that he was treated horribly. I do. I have sympathy.

What I don’t get is why he is in his current state. So much of it is preventable with a little bit of responsibility and proactivity. Neither of which he has ever attempted.

That is where my patience wears thin.

Your bored because you had to take early retirement? Get a hobby. Read the newspaper. DO something besides watching TV 12 hours a day and sleeping the other 12.

Physical activity is still hard for you? Go for a short walk. Go to the gym. Ride the recumbent bicycle that is 2 feet away from where you are watching TV. Pick up aroudn the house. The surgery and all it’s complications was over 3 years ago. So something besides sit there and complain.

You feel ill because your sugars fluctuate so much? Check your blood sugar! 10 times a day if you have too. Take responsibility for what your are putting in your body. Learn the effect that CARBS have on you. Learn the names and doses of the medicines that your take everyday, 3 times a day!

My mom made a comment to me that she hasn’t seen my dad so happy in a long time. That Gracie was having a wonderful effect on him. He also got visibly emotional when saying goodbye to her.

My gut response to this? Anger.

They are always welcome to come visit, but I am tired of feeling like I’ve been kicked after every visit. I cannot make their lives better. Grace cannot make them feel more fulfilled. More importantly, we shouldn't have to feel like that is on our shoulders. Shouldn’t that come from taking care themselves? I am tired of feeling like I have to fill some sort of unfulfilled void in their lives, especially in my dad’s case.

He has opportunity. He has gotten and keeps getting so many second, third, fourth … chances. He does nothing with them though. I don’t understand the point of wanting all the things that he wants, and then doing nothing with it when he gets it.

----- Stop ranting. Just breathe. Keep breathing. -----

That was my weekend. We did nothing. We went nowhere. We talked about nothing.

It should have been nice, huh? Normally I am lamenting that I don’t get to do those three things.