Of (Wo)men and Mites

Yesterday I saw an allergist.

VERY early on in the process.

I've been sneezey and itchy and have been forced to make a too many trips to the pharmacy for antibiotics lately. Allergies, was the suggested culprit over and over again. So I made the appointment. Well, I made three appointments, cancelling the first two. 1.5 of the cancellations was conflict. .5 was fear.

I was a little bit right on the .5.

The doctor was fantastic. Snarky, self-depreciating, and no non-sense. My favorite medical combination.

But, the arm pricks, and follow up syringe injections? Not so great.

And after 40 minutes of excruciating itching the verdict was in.

* Ragweed & weeds in general
* Mold
* Dust mites

Super. But at least I know what I am itchy/sneezey now.

Butterflies

I’ve always considered the flu to be a practical version of the butterfly effect. If you think about it, there are similarities.

Someone, WAY over THERE gets the bug from someone else even more WAY over THERE. A random dude doesn't wash their hands, the wind blows in a funny direction, a cricket chirps in a forest....

Then someone that is in my vicinity touches my door or sneezes or coughs or just breathes and there is the evil bug, just floating around.

So I walk through the cloud of ick and come into contact with the dreaded thing. Micro-particles just floating in seemingly harmless environments. And it sticks to me.

What do I then do? No amount of neurotic hand washing and sticking, burning sanitizer gel or even shots can save you if the F-L-U really wants to come in.

It came a knockin’.

Grace was sent home from daycare on Tuesday. I received two panicked phone calls in the span of 20 minutes. I guess you would be panicking too if you had to clean up the entire contents of a child’s stomach off the floor. Especially if it’s not your kid.

So we were banned. The rule is 3 runny poops or 2 yacks and your home for 24 hours.

I picked Gracie up mid-nap from daycare. She immediately fell asleep in the car. I woke her again to bring her inside the house when we got home and she immediately fell asleep in her bed again.

Hmmm. That’s not normal.

She took a conglomerate 4 hr nap. That is so not normal.

Two hours later she was ready for bed (an hour early) and preceded to sleep for 13 hours.

So, so, so not normal. Let’s call the Doc.

It’s confirmed. It’s the flu and only the flu, so your going to just have to wait it out. Umm, and as for your trip to Chicago Thursday morning, I wouldn’t plan on it. Not unless your all want to be miserable, infect everyone around you and pray that she doesn’t vomit or have explosive poop on the plane.

Good point Doc. Throw in the fact that my dad is immune depressed and Matt’s dad just got out of the hospital, let’s consider the visit cancelled.

Shortly after the doctor’s visit, we developed a one diaper an hour routine.

With another 13 hour bedtime, that was the making of quite the mess come morning. (1 diaper x 13 hours – actually changing the diaper in that 13 hours = EWW.) Throw in a little more yack just for good measure and that had been our last 3 days.

(I do have to admit though, I catagorized this as a milestone. Gracie's first flu. To celebrate lets all go wash our hands.)

How is your week going? Watch out for butterflies this time of year.

Nighttiming

Things went downhill yesterday, just like the roll of stones or the flow of water. Except our version of water was slightly digested and smelled like feta cheese.

I 6:40 pm last night I set about our nighttime routine.

- 8 oz bottle √
- tomorrows clothes √
- jammies √
- bath water warming up √

Then my mom called. Grace wasn’t actually in the bath yet, so we ran to see who was calling. Sorry Grams. Not answering.

Gracie gets in the bath and starts that play routine.

Phone rings again. What the ????. Not answering. It is now 6:50. People know better.

We get out of the bath, get dressed and start the bottle. Lights are off. Sleep Sheep rain is pattering. Humidifier is blowing.

7:00 phone rings again. Son of a !!!!!. Gracie sucks down the last drop of her bottle and starts looking around.

We go downstairs to make another bottle. 6oz should be more than enough. And the message light is blinking on the phone.

Back upstairs we settle back in and Gracie starts working on bottle #2. At 7:10 the phone rings again. ####. Grace looks around for a second but is getting sleepy.

Two seconds later my cell phone starts to ring. The dog barks. Gracie sits up in my lap. #### #### ####!

She settles back down quickly, entire bottle gone, and I rock her to sleep.

I am amazed that she drank a new record amount of 14 oz in one sitting and am thinking about how I have to call Matt to announce this big news, once I yell at all the people who have been calling.

We get up and as I stand Gracie opens her eyes and smiles at me.

Then she gives me the look. Uh Oh.

BLAH…..

Yack. All over my neck, shirt, pants. We start to move towards the bathroom.

BLAH…..

Yack. All over the hall carpet. We take the final steps into the bathroom.

BLAH…..

Yack. All over the mirror and sink.

I sit her on the counter with her feet in the sink.

BLAH…..

Yack. All over her footie pajamas.

I strip off all our clothes and wipe down my shaking baby. I curse and kick at Lil’ Rick, who is in the process of eating the carpet yack.

Once in new jammies, Gracie fell asleep quickly. I on the other hand, had the joys of parenting to attend to.

And a lot of phone calls to return.

Do You Really Want to Know?

During the course of my work day, someone will inevitably ask how my evening was.

Do I tell the truth? Do they REALLY want to know?

Do I say, “Crappy. We were sitting at the kitchen table, eating fantastic homemade butternut squash chowder and French bread, when Gracie projectile vomited on me. It was great. I could identify the bits of fruit she ate for lunch. I think she needs to learn how to chew better.”?

Or do I say, “It was fine, how was yours?”?

I know the answer is number two, but still, the memory is still to fresh. The smell of puke is still in my nostrils. I even re-ran the washing machine this morning because I swear I could still smell the funk in the machine.

The one good thing about it was during my scrubbing of the tile on our floor, I realized how dirty it is. The cleaning lady HAS NOT been doing her job. Which means that it will soon become my job again.

OK, maybe that wasn't a good discovery. Ignorance is sometimes bliss. Especially when it means I don't have to vacuum or dust.

At least we will be spending $100 less a month.

So Many Firsts....

This weekend was the weekend of firsts.

Matt completed his first marathon.

He did great and we are so proud. I tracked him like a little rabbit via text message and a little blinking dot that showed me where he was on the course.

Unfortunately, the technology was about 15 minutes behind his actual pace. When he shot me a text saying he was OK during the run, I thought I would encourage him with stats.

Doing great! 11 min miles. Will finish 4hrs 50 min.

Apparently, giving specifics and stats will be added to the things not to say.

I guess during that 15 minutes of delay, he hit his wall, which slowed him to 12 minute miles and gave a final finish time of 5 hrs 17 min 51 sec. Yeah, that’s how specific these things are. He knew he wouldn’t make his under 5 hour goal and was sad.

He did however live out a dream with photographic evidence. He chugged a beer during a marathon. There is a known group of guys with a big keg that hand out beers around mile 22.

Matt partook.

And grabbed a big handful of Goldfish crackers too.

NOTE TO SELF: Stop thinking and just say "I love you!" from now on.

Another first was Gracie’s disappearing act.

Things were quiet for more than 2 minutes so I started to get nervous. I started frantically searching the house and couldn’t find her. When I called her name I heard a jingle.

Up above me.

It was my little mountain climber with her face between the rails looking down from the 2nd floor. I had forgotten to put the baby gate up at the base of the stairs and she went on the Mt. Everest expedition all by herself. All 13 stairs in less than a minute.

NOTE TO SELF: Make sure you put the baby gate up religiously now.

We also made the full switch to whole milk this weekend.

Gracie has been going hot and cold with the idea. So I gave her some juice and put her on the kitchen floor to play while I wrote thank you cards.

Then I heard splashing. My dear daughter had her entire face planted in the dog’s water bowl, slurping away. With her juice cup right next to her.

So gross, so gross. How do you get dog germs out of the inside of a baby’s mouth? You don’t. I tried.

NOTE TO SELF: Always pick the water bowl up off the ground while she is awake. Sorry Rick.