Sacrifice

When I was pregnant with Grace, the world seemed so black and white. To me, there were lots of hard questions with easy answers.  Matt felt more grey.

 It's an age old childhood question forcing you in a corner to choose between friends: The house is on fire and you can only save one person. Who do you save? Our conversations, considering my high risk status, was always my press of: If something goes wrong and you have to choose, I want you to choose the baby.

For me, the conversation was black and white. Of course I would sacrifice myself for someone I already loved. I would give everything. Matt saw the greys of a life without me. I also think he was gripped with the heartbreak of knowing that if we were pressed to make a terrible decision like that,  he would be powerless.

Luckily, we never even came close to making a decision like that. There were slight hiccups, but nothing that made us much different from the billions of childbirth stories out there.

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This post was inspired by The Bloodletter's Daughter. The description below says that this book is about murder and power. I believe that it is about self sacrifice. What struck me the most was the end of the book and the choices the protagonist makes for those that she loves.
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Inspired by a real-life murder that threatened to topple the powerful Hapsburg dynasty in the 17th century, The Bloodletter's Daughter imagines how one young woman holds more power than she thought possible.  Join From Left to Write on September 25 as we discuss the The Bloodletter's Daughter. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Wedding Bells

We survived.

Sure, there were mishaps outside of our control, but my children were well behaved.
(To the point that strangers kept approaching to tell me how wonderful they were acting.)
((Which, never EVER happens. EVER.))

The ceremony was beautiful.

*Stolen off my brother's Facebook page

The bride was flawless.

*Stolen off Jill's Facebook page.
Since my entire family is in it, I figure I have rights to it

And the girls had sooooo much fun.

And all of my doubt melted away as I watched my brothers face as he watched his bride walk down the isle.

Pictures are Deceiving

By the pictures, we had a wonderful weekend away.

There were blue skies and a sparkling lake.

Matt was able to show the girls how daddy rode up the worst road known to man.

They touched his brick for the effort in last years Savageman.

BUT

What the pictures don't show is the fact that Clare was on another tear again this weekend. The three hour drive from Baltimore to Deep Creek alone had us rethinking our weekend plans. By the time early evening rolled around, I was using my phone to see if I could rent a car to drive back home with the girls that very night.

What there are no pictures of is the fact that I was walking, seething with rage over temper-tantrums, small town rental car hours and slow 3G connections on my iPhone, and playing with my phone instead of looking where I was going. Or that I am a clutz and I always look down while walking on uneven terrain.

There are no pictures of my fall down a few rustic, nature preserve stairs, when I insisted I was fine to finish the walk down to Matt's bike drop off, or when my vision went white and I was .this.close. to fainting so I made Matt move road blocks to come pick me up in the car.

There could be pictures of the fact that my right foot is still swollen to about double it's normal size and turning the most delightful shades of purple, black and blue, but it is so grotesque, I will spare you that visual.

There are no pictures of the fact that it meant that I couldn't attend the triathlon the we had driven 3 hours to watch and cheer at. That attitudes did not improve, adults included, in our 2.5 days away.

Honestly, the best part of the weekend? The drive home.

We are headed to Chicago tomorrow. Wish us luck, and maybe send a prayer or two our way.

Blue Skies and Green Fields

We always start off with good intent.

"Let's do something new this weekend! My friend does equestrian stuff, let's take the girls to go watch," Matt said.

The day was beautiful, the weather perfect.

What we fell a little short on though was behavior. Oh my goodness are we going through a phase. And apparently, horses don't like phases. Who knew? I thought we would be outside in a big grassy field with lots of sunshine and fresh air and space for the girls to exhaust themselves.

The folks who participate in these things though had other ideas. No loud noises, no sudden moves, nothing that might spook a tense horse and its owner...... Which, in hindsight makes sense, but at the time. Ugh. It was not quite the day we'd had in mind.

On the other hand, now we an say that we've been.
And in a few more years, it would be a lovely afternoon. 

Except for when the girls start asking about horse back riding lessons.

Nemo 3D

Our friends at Disney, with a little prod from our Fairy Godmother, hooked us up again.

It is funny how the timing worked out, since we had just been on a Finding Nemo kick in our house. With the announcement of Finding Nemo 3D popped up in my mailbox, how could we say no?

The movie is exactly what you expect. It is a fun movie that you have probably seen 8 million times before with a little bit of bonus - Oooooo - thrown in every so often. It totally didn't matter that the girls had seen it 8 million times before. This time they were seeing it in a big movie theater with popcorn, slurpies and fancy glasses.

It was magic all over again.

* The tickets to the screening were complementary (we still shelled out $25.00 for popcorn though), and the complements are all my own.

Mr & Mrs

We are a two weeks away from a big moment. My brother is getting married.

I don't know why I haven't specifically written about it. It has been a significant part of our life for the last year. Our entire family is involved; Matt as best man, I as a bridesmaid and the girls as flower girls. It is the reason for our last two trips back to Chicago.

I want him to be happy. I want him to have a home and a family and beyond everything love.
But.
I don't know....

It's not  that I'm not happy for him, because I am.
I think I am being selfish.
I am mourning my loss of a single brother. Of someone who has 3 day weekends that are unattached and can be spent focused on.... me. On my family, my girls. That is going away now. To be honest, that didn't really happen all that often, but still.... he will be more of his own person now. Not just a brother, or uncle or son.

So much more, something bigger.
Husband.
And I assume in the near future,
Father.

And nothing trumps that.

My heart burst with happiness for him, but trickles with just enough sadness for me to compel writing this.