Clare has been here for 1 week now. 7 days.
It was a week of numbers.
31 - 87 (blood sugars)
11 - 96 (blood serums)
17 - 12.3 (bilirubin)
24 (daily heel sticks)
2 (IV's thrust into her tiny hands)
60 (hours spent hovering next to a tiny isolette)
Millions (of tears shed)
I know what I am. I knew what the risks were, though I never really acknowledged they might happen to us. None of it ever touched Grace.
It is so much easier to be rational about our 4 days in NICU now that we are free and confirmed healthy. It is so much easier now to look back on those days and see that they were in fact short.
During my vigil at Clare's side, I kept telling myself not to wallow in pity. She WAS healthy. She was only in here as precaution. Look around you at the poor souls thrust into this world way too early. Clare was full term with temporary inflictions.
SHE WAS THE HEALTHY ONE.
But it was still unbelievably hard and my heart will always ache with a new type of understanding for parents with NICU babies.
Now we fill our days with different numbers. Smiles and giggles and kisses and hugs and cuddles, already numbering well past the number of tears shed.
1 comment:
Oh my goodness. We went through a similar thing with our son. The day we were scheduled to come home, he turned bright orange. They told me I could go home, but he had to stay. Yeah right. So, I was checked out of the hospital (which meant they did not care for me or feed me and my husband had to smuggle food for my meals), but the baby was still a patient. He was born on Tuesday and I finally decided to leave against medical advice on Saturday night. I just couldn't take it anymore. He was fine, but seeing him in that little plastic incubator with the bili lights just killed me.
I am so glad you are both okay and you are home now. Take care and try to be happy. It is a rough transition from one to two and it takes some time.
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