Wedding Bells

We survived.

Sure, there were mishaps outside of our control, but my children were well behaved.
(To the point that strangers kept approaching to tell me how wonderful they were acting.)
((Which, never EVER happens. EVER.))

The ceremony was beautiful.

*Stolen off my brother's Facebook page

The bride was flawless.

*Stolen off Jill's Facebook page.
Since my entire family is in it, I figure I have rights to it

And the girls had sooooo much fun.

And all of my doubt melted away as I watched my brothers face as he watched his bride walk down the isle.

Mr & Mrs

We are a two weeks away from a big moment. My brother is getting married.

I don't know why I haven't specifically written about it. It has been a significant part of our life for the last year. Our entire family is involved; Matt as best man, I as a bridesmaid and the girls as flower girls. It is the reason for our last two trips back to Chicago.

I want him to be happy. I want him to have a home and a family and beyond everything love.
But.
I don't know....

It's not  that I'm not happy for him, because I am.
I think I am being selfish.
I am mourning my loss of a single brother. Of someone who has 3 day weekends that are unattached and can be spent focused on.... me. On my family, my girls. That is going away now. To be honest, that didn't really happen all that often, but still.... he will be more of his own person now. Not just a brother, or uncle or son.

So much more, something bigger.
Husband.
And I assume in the near future,
Father.

And nothing trumps that.

My heart burst with happiness for him, but trickles with just enough sadness for me to compel writing this.

Weekend in Instagram

Weekend in Instagram

Home & Hearth

My not so little, little brother, Jerry, is buying his first home.

I like to think I've helped him into this adventure. OK, I'll even take 40% credit for it. I have been quite a pest.

Years of prodding and teasing are paying off. See, the males on my mom's side of the family tend to... ahem .... not leave the nest very willingly. Currently, my brother is 28 years old, making good money as a firefighter / paramedic and still has never lived on his own. I will cut him some slack in the full knowledge that my mom has never made it easy for him to leave. She cooks, she cleans, she buys the groceries *and* while she would never, ever come right out and ask him not to leave, I know she is quietly panicking about it.

This is where I come in. I understood that there was no reason for him to leave during the first 26 years. He worked retail jobs until he was 21 and then made the decision to go to school for his EMT licence. At 23 he started applying for paramedic schools. At 26 he got his first above minimum wage job. Way above minimum wage. That is when my quips about turning into Uncle (pick a name) started to come into the picture.

This past March Jerry, Gracie and I went house hunting. Feverish and dripping sweat, we went house hunting. It has been a roller coaster of a hunt since then, but I think he finally has a winner. I don't want to jinx him, the closing isn't until September 11, but he was able to pick up this beauty for under cost and with all the furniture you see in the photos thrown in.

Oh, and don't get TOO excited. It is the end unit, not the whole thing. I just figured he wouldn't appreciate me posting his house number on the internet.

I am so proud of him. I know this must be a hugely scary proposition. I had Matt by my side for every move and purchase post college. Jerry is standing on his own two feet with this one.

More than that though, I now have a place to stay when I go home that doesn't smell like cat pee.

All American

In the past, we have always planned grand events for our 4th of July's in Maryland.

We've watched fireworks from the top of the Hotel Washington and the shores of the Annapolis Naval Academy. We've sat close enough to see the players sweat during Nationals ball games. We've drank wine and nibbled cheese aboard the USS Constellation in Baltimore while watching the sparks of the city above and below.

This year though, with a lot less planning we got as All American as you can get. Berry picking, boat rides, water and sun.

Saturday morning we went to a pick your own farm minutes away from our house. Raspberries and their infamous sweet cherries were ripe and ready for collection. We let Gracie roam from raspberry bush to raspberry bush eating her hearts desire, while Matt tried to instill the idea of 'cooked' berries to her.

After Gracie's face was stained a significant shade of purple we went back home for part two of our day, swimming. Nothing says the 4th of July like beer and a belly flop into the water.

On Sunday, we wrapped up Jerry's visit and the weekend with a quick trip to Annapolis for brunch and a boat tour. The city, as always, was gorgeous and charming. Brunch was way to expensive, but delicious.

******* And Gracie, well, Gracie was a toddler with way to much energy and not enough sleep. The initial breeze of the boat pushing off the docks calmed her slightly and cracking her forehead on the metal bench of the boat after running around in manic circles for 15 minutes helped a lot too.

In all, this 4th of July was one for the books.

The Town Approved Us to Do What?

Matt and I are planners. And control freaks.

So this is a big weekend for us. We are building a deck around the pool and we are indeed planning, controlling and freaking out.

Sure, we had contractors come out and give estimates, but they wanted SO much money to do it. We got $7,000 estimates for something that is costing us about $1,500 in materials. Combine the price difference with the fact that we have just enough handyman talent to be dangerous, and look out.

Of course, when I am saying 'we' through all this, I mean Matt. Matt is the one with the handyman talent.

My brother loves to (semi) joke that our dad thinks anything can be fixed / created with a screwdriver, hammer and a monkey wrench. When he hung a ceiling fan for them a few years ago, my dad presented him with a screwdriver, hammer and monkey wrench to get the job done. When he (tried) installing a door for them last year, my dad once again gave him said screwdriver, hammer and monkey wrench. The ceiling fan went fine (after a hunt for more tools) while my mom had to purchase another door and hire someone to install it.

Given all this, how am I expected to actually know how to fix anything?

What I lack in technical skills though, I make up for with creativity and vision. I am thinking about doing multiple tones on the deck, which I haven't informed Matt of yet because I know he will think I am crazy and say no, but I guess I just told him - so honey - I am using multiple colors on the deck. It will be pretty. You'll see.

Anyway....

We are building a deck. The materials are being delivered Friday morning. Construction starts 48 hours-ish later. Neighbors beware. There is a racket coming this weekend, and it's a long weekend too, so be prepared for three days of racket (with stoppages from noon to 2pm so our child can sleep).

But don't worry, come August when it is so humid you can't breathe, you now have friends with a deck that will be able to endue hurricane force winds and stain application that looks like something out of a home decorating magazine.

I Do Believe

My brother Jerry, the firefighter / paramedic, called me yesterday with an announcement. He saw a ghost.

Jerry said he was covering for another station, so he and his partner went go hang out while the other squad was gone. His partner wanted to stay in the ambulance to sleep, Jerry went in the building.

Most of the lights were off except for the truck bay and the ambient light in the kitchen where he was trolling for snacks. He said when he turned around there was a little girl, about 7 years old, standing in front of a big gumball machine in the kitchen. He didn’t think much of it because often times people do bring their kids to work and have them spend the night. He didn’t say anything to her and the girl turned and walked silently back into the bay moments later.

When the other squad returned a hour later, he informed them that someone’s kid had been up.

Nobody had any kids here, they said, the station is empty.

No really, Jerry responded, a little blonde girl wearing a dress. She was looking for candy. I figured it wasn’t my kid, and didn’t particularly care what she was eating at 1am, so I didn’t say anything.

That’s when they cracked smiles. Oh, you saw her! That’s our ghost.

Not funny, Jerry said. She was real. I saw her.

There is nobody here, they said. Go look in the bunks. Nobody is there.

Jerry went and looked. Nobody was there.

They told him they had responded to a call in the summer of 2007. The girl died on the scene and has been with the station since then.

I believe in ghosts. I believe in angles. I believe in good and evil. I believe. That is why I don’t watch scary movies. I believe.

Yesterday, as I sped through the woods on the way home from L’s birthday party, the dark, narrow, twisted road all of a sudden got REALLY dark.

Hmmm, I thought, maybe I should turn on my brights.

Just as I did I saw a large deer running down the steep embankment that counts as the roads edge.

The super-bright flash of my headlights startled the deer and stopped it dead in its tracks. I have no idea what would have happened to us if it hadn’t. There is no wiggle room on that road. There is no edge. There is no straight line. There is nowhere to go.

There was nowhere to go.

I drove the rest of the way home really, really slowly.

And thanked my guardian angels. I have two of them you know.

I do believe.

Single Parenting

Matt flew to Green Bay Saturday morning so first news from the Midwest:

1) Matt is charmed. We bought a 1st class ticket for the flight because it was only $15 more than a regular old chump ticket, and hey, if your going to pay that much money you might as well get some snacks. Well, Matt got a whole lot more than that.

Being the chatty, superstar, sports aficionado that he is, Matt had the good fortune of being seated next to a referee flying out to officiate the Green Bay v Houston game. Over the course of a few hours and a few drinks, they apparently become best friends and he’s offered network seats to the game. Which he of course has to turn down. So business cards are exchanged and now Matt has an in for free awesome tickets to games he wants to go to. PLUS he was served MIXED drinks BEFORE the plane even left the runway.

2) While again, not related to PaPa’s health, his brother Rob, bought a Lotto Scratcher ticket on a whim Friday. Won $10,000. No big deal.

3) PaPa is making improvements. As of this morning, they plan to try and take him off the ventilator. The latest chest X-Rays show the same amount of infection in his lungs, but the respiratory sounds are getting much clearer. The same X-Rays are also indicating that there may be some heart issues, but nothing that they are concerned about right now. The bad news is the doctors are saying that he will be lucky if he’s out in two weeks…. So if you do the math, he might be spending Christmas in the hospital.

On the upside, Matt & Jeanine raided PaPa’s house and cleared out the offending cigars. They were actually able to collect all unopened packages of Swisher’s and return them at the local grocery store. You’ve got to love small towns at times.

Given everything, Gracie and I had a fairly good weekend. Well, except for a few highlights:

1) Gracie is always on the move. I am getting to the point where if I know the baby gate is up on the stairs I just let her run loose and play. We are pretty much baby-proofed. Unless it gets quiet. If more than a minute goes by without noise I know she is into something she’s not supposed to be in.

Case in point, she had stood up and grabbed a glass ornament that I thought was out of reach on the tree. While the glass was still blessedly in tact, she was scraping the glitter swirls off the ornament with her teeth. Although I will admit, the glitter all over her face/mouth/tongue was pretty funny.

2) Saturday night my body decided to kick me one more time. Thankfully, my version of the flu only lasted a few hours, and they were nighttime hours.

I will always remember when I was checked into the hospital to be induced into labor with Grace, my OB asked me what I had eaten for dinner. “Oh I was good. I kept it light. I just had a salad for dinner!”

She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, probably not the best choice. If you have a second kid remember this – Only eat things that you won’t mind seeing come back up. Oatmeal is my favorite. Let’s just hope you keep it all down through your labor.”

I always thought that was a crazy thing to say. As I was revisiting my healthy salad on Saturday night / Sunday morning those words kept echoing in my head.

3) Sunday morning we went to the mall to Christmas shop. The 20 minute nap she took on the way home completely destroyed her sleep schedule for that afternoon. Normally she sleeps from 11:30 – 2:00. Yesterday, it was 1:15 to 1:45. I apparently added insult to the injury of making her nap by having Tim & Jen over to watch the Bears game when she woke up. This lead to very cranky pants for the following 45 minutes.

Given everything though, I think my first weekend of single parenting went smoothly. At least there was no blood to accompany either of our tears.

Heroism

When my brother Jerry and I were kids, Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" was usually a catalyst for a fight. I have no idea why, but the way he would sing the refrain in a goofy, squeaky voice would enrage me. Thus prompting him to sing louder and closer to my face.

When “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias came out in the 2002, it took its place. I was always annoyed by the song and Jerry knew it.

Now, as an adult, my not-so-little little brother is a Paramedic-Firefighter. A good one.

Not that I’ve ever needed his services, but your coworkers don’t refer to you (only partially in jest) as ‘God’ for no reason. He seems to have an uncanny ability to save lives that others have already written off.

He is good at what he does because he loves it. He was made for it. Meant to do it with every fiber of his being. Being an adrenaline junky doesn’t hurt either.

He has fought tooth and nail for this too. To say he was a mediocre student in High School is being kind. Jerry hated school and, for the most part, it hated him right back.

Something clicked in the time between graduation and medic school though. Maybe a shiny red fire truck went whizzing by with lights and sirens one day and he thought, “Hey, they don’t have to stop for red lights! That looks fun!” Probably not, but knowing my brother, I would definitely put it in the “maybe” category.

He became an EMT and shortly after started applying to Paramedic schools. It took a long time, and a lot of hard work, to get into the competitive programs. I believe he applied twice a year for 2 years before he was selected. Oh, and how he studied. He would write it off with a shrug of the shoulders, but I knew.

Yeah, some things were easy for him. What my brother lacks in book smarts, he makes up for 10 fold in common sense. Which is frankly much more practical in real life – and the life and death situations of Para-medicine is a real as you can get.

He has worked his butt off for the last 5 years to become a Paramedic and then a Firefighter.

He is hitting road blocks again now, but what is life without road blocks? Doesn’t that help you to appreciate your goal even more when you get it? While yes, more money is never anything to turn your nose at, but you love what you do! It will eventually come. It will get better.

You have come full circle though Jerry. No matter what kind of shitty circumstance and forgotten promise comes your way, you are a hero.

You are a hero to all the people you’ve saved, a hero to the families of the folks that you tried your hardest to save and hero for the random acts of kindness you do without a second thought.

You are a hero to your family and friends.

You are a hero to me.

Heroism is about heart. It is about dedication. It is not about money.

Don’t get bogged down in the negative. There is no point. Believe in the good. Believe in the Karma you generate. It will come back around and repay you.